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Fandom didn't make you a bitch (you were born one)

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EEEEEE 2x11!
tb: eric
all_my_fandoms
OMG you guys seriously this week has been kind of hell on wheels for me, but in less than two days I'm going to IRELAND! WOO! So um. Here's a picspam to brighten up your week, whether it be gloomy or sparkly.



We open with Bill being his prudish ass self. Seriously have you ever heard of a vampire who considers eating someone out on a sofa/feeding a bad time to have a conversation? Seriously Bill. Remedial Vampire 101 RIGHT NOW for you! (professor: Pam, TA: Eric)



Sophie Anne: Wanna join me?
Bill: I'd rather chew off my own arm.
(BTW, you KNOW this is totally something Sophie Anne does with every guy who walks in to test his affection for the pussy. No desire to join her? MOAR SLAHY GOODNESS FOR EVERYONE)


Hoyt: She's my momma Jessica! She's MEANT to be making my life miserable! I mean jesus where were you raised, like a functional family or something?!


Tara: Y'ALL ARE JUST JEALOUS OF ME COS I FOUND MAH TWU VUW
Lafayette: I thought we weaned you off the weird shit, wtf?
Seriously, I can not believe Tara's angle is not, this is a person who is dear to me so I have to make sure he's OK, it's OH MAH GAWD MAH MAN IS IN TROUBLE. I mean, I can't believe that's sane Tara talking.


Lafayette: all I know is, if it's supernatural and it wants you, it ain't gonna wait for you to come to it.
AHAHAHAHA OH LAFAYETTE. SPEAKING FROM VIKING EXPEREINCE I SEE.


Jason: Guys, I read a book about this, this is Armageddon. This is the oral history of the zombie war!
The most hilarious part about that line is that you KNOW the book he's talking about having read is some portion of the bible.


PLEASE GO INTO THE WOODS ALONE SAM WHEN RANDOM PEOPLE ARE PEERING AT YOU THROUGH THE WINDOWS. Not like you're hunted by every person in town or anything.


Jason: the time for thinking is over.
THIS NEEDS TO BE TATTOOED ON JASON'S FOREHEAD, Y/Y?


Lafayette: OMG Eric made you drink his blood TOO? Somebody need to slap that bitch.
I LOVE IT WHEN THE SHOW ACTUALLY DELIVERS THE KIND OF LINES I WOULD NORMALLY WRITE IN MY RECAP. &hearts Lafayette.



Sookie: have you had… dreams about Eric?
Lafayette: OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW?
Uh, bb. 1. mindreader, 2. WHO DOESN’T HAVE DREAMS ABOUT ERIC? SERIOUSLY? She could pose that question to everyone who's ever met him and have a 95% chance of a positive answer.


This is the face of Lafayette, remembering the sweet, nasty sexual acts Eric performs in his dreams. WE NEED SOME OF THOSE SEQUENCES ON SCREEN Y/Y?


LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE MOMENT THIS EPISODE BECAME EPIC.
It took my brain a few seconds to process that it wasn't Eric's head pasted on Lettie Mae's body but ACTUALLY ERIC WEARING A DRESS. Btw, consider how much taller Askars is than the actress who plays Tara's mom; either that skirt was basically a mini skirt on him or they had to get him a separate costume ahahaha.

Also, if you watch the scene carefully, you can totally hear Eric saying the first lines in your head, instead of Lettie Mae's voice. Or um, at least some of us who are rather obsessive about the show, can. Ahem.


MY LOVE FOR THE GOLD BRACELET ON ERIC'S ARM KNOWS NO BOUNDS. Why was Tara's mom not wearing some horrible giant tacky hat? WHY?


Eric: you know you feel with my blood inside you?
OH BB THERE IS A WORD IN THERE THAT NEEDS TO BE REPLACED BY ANOTHER WORD. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.


Eric: goodbye sweetheart.
OH GOOD JESUS. The alternative title of this episode is FANSERVICE and we haven't even gotten to the good Sophie Anne bits.


Sookie: OH MAH GAWD LAFAYETTE HOW COME SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE SEX AND VIOLENCE IN THIS WORLD?
I see the one writer who was fond of giving Sookie good lines is out of the writers' room this week.


OK THAT POSITION COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE PHYSICALLY COMFORTABLE FOR ERIC. I'm just sayin. Either he was just doing it to be cool or his body works in some mysterious Vikings way unknown to us mortals.




ASKARS HOTNESS AS PER YOUR ORDER



I do love that while Eric doesn't give a shit about all the people getting fucked over by Maryanne he does take the time to mention Sam's spotty record as an anti-vamp person. I love that Eric is so consistently snobby and elitist in preferring his own kind.



MOAR HOTNESS


Eric: "don't you like vampires little girl?"
AND ONCE AGAIN, HE IS BASICALLY SPEAKING TO THE WET PANTIES FEMALE AUDIENCE PRETTY DIRECTLY HERE.


Cobby: he went on a vacation with Jesus!
Pam: you make me SO happy I never had any of you.
AHAHAHAHAHA <3 Pam. Seriously this year has been trying – first Eric gets obsessed with Godric and leaves Pam in charge of the club, alone; then he comes back all fucked up over Godric and in the interim there's all that ruined shoes business.



AHAHAHAHAHA CAPS OF AWESOME


I think the truly worst moment this season for me, was the creeptastic characterization of Sookie as someone who, days after surviving an attempted rape, willingly, calmly laid down with a guy who is almost certain to rape her. REALLY, WRITER? REALLY? I expected better than this.
I don't even think any prior knowledge Sookie had of this guy would negate the threat, given his state.


Sophie Anne: listen Billy, you're not leaving here until I see some cock on cock action, are we clear?
Bill: *gulp*
Sophie Anne: get to it, boys!


THIS IS THE FACE OF A FANGIRL ANTICIPATING SLASH. Seriously, DO NOT TELL ME Sophie Anne in this episode was not a Mary Sue insert for the slasher audience? (In the best ways, but you KNOW IT'S TRUE)


Bill does not appreciate your giddiness at his the possibility of his anus being penetrated.


AND YET THE FANGIRLS WILL HAVE THEIR WAY. Btw, when the victim boy earlier said "I will have sex with you"… do you think he meant "in the other room"? Cos, I pretty much think all the sex at the queen's home happens in the queen's presence, possibly right there by the pool in front of the guards. SERIOUSLY THIS SHOW.


Sophie Anne: gods never actually come, they exist only in humans' minds. Like money and morality.
AHAHAHAHAHA OH SOPHIE ANNE. I actually really really didn't like Evan Rachel Wood's acting the first time around, am slightly less put off by it the second time around, but the CHARACTER of the queen is exquisitely written.



Hadley: So, how's my cousin Sookie?
Bill: Wow, I didn't know fang banging ran in families. SWEET. I wonder if Jason's available


Sophie Anne: this alpha male posturing! You two should really just fuck each other and get it over with. I could watch!
LOOK THIS LINE IS TOO EPIC NOT TO HAVE A PERFECT RECORD OF IT SOMEWHERE. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO ADD, PLZ MOVE ON.


KISS THE QUEEN'S HAND BITCH. KISS IT BEFORE SHE ORDERS YOU ON YOUR KNEES WHEN ERIC COMES IN.
…Ahem. That might have been from my personal vault of Eric dreams. HE MADE ME DRINK HIS BLOOD OMG



Bill: OMG ERIC YOU TOTALLY ONLY WANNA SAVE THE TOWN SO YOU CAN LOOK LIKE A HERO TO SOOKIE!
Eric: …Bill, I will now pretend to comb my hair – messy from flying with the top down – and pretend I didn't hear you acting like an insecure 14 year old. Not because I think better of you but because my face doesn't look as good when I'm crying tears of shame on someone else's behalf.


Bill: it's so desperate of you, feeding Sookie your blood to get her attracted to you.
Eric: Bill in WHAT UNIVERSE does anyone need a special elixir to be attracted to me?
(dialogue has no Bill cap; dialogue needs no Bill cap)


Bill: my only comfort is that the queen will have SO MUCH FUN with you tonight, omg.
Eric: *gulp*
Say what you will, but Eric is not a big fan of ~performing~ for anyone. Basically, I would PAY to see his interaction with the queen.

previous True Blood picspams

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I can't wait to see what the queen has in store for Eric, it didn't look very friendly.

EEE I'm sure it will be very friendly actually :D

This recap was made of all kinds of WIN!! LOVED IT.

and pretend I didn't hear you acting like an insecure 14 year old. Not because I think better of you but because my face doesn't look as good when I'm crying tears of shame on someone else's behalf.

Bill in WHAT UNIVERSE does anyone need a special elixir to be attracted to me?

(dialogue has no Bill cap; dialogue needs no Bill cap)
LMAO all!!

And yes, it should be very interesting to see what goes on between the Queen and our beloved Viking.

HEEE I can't believe we're actually getting Sophie Anne/Eric interaction next week! I thought for sure that wasn't going to actually happen!

Thank you, I'm glad you liked :D

Haha this was made of win. As for how I feel about the Queen...I loved her in the books and I was even more excited for her on the show. I loved Evan as the Queen.
She had the best parts in the epsiode :)
I too am excited for her interaction with ERic...it should be incredibly amusing :)

And I know right about Sam? My mom and I were like 'WTF ARE YOU GOING OUTSIDE YOU DUMBASS!' but I was very happy when he found the kids. I was like 'Oh thank God!'
Anyways...this was win, as always. Even if there is constant Bill hate...oh well.



And yes I've been victim to dirty Eric dreams :P

Thank you, I'm glad you liked! :D

I actually don't hate Bill at all! I think he and Sookie were just set up as a very romance-novel couple, and so they're both sort of voer the top old fashioned, you know? Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's fun to make fun of.

Great recap! I've never noticed before this episode how homophobic Bill is. He was really annoying this ep, although it felt like he won the show-off with Eric this time ("Has she mentioned me?" Really, Eric?), although that might change, if the queen is behind the V dealing-idea. Or if she knows about it.
PS: Following the previews you're gonna get the little mayb-makeout-eric-sophie-scene for free!

ugh I so need a Sophie Anne icon.

Bill is very... traditional, you might say. And kind of super squamish about sex. Sort of like a 14 old Victorian virgin. I actually thought he came out kind of desperate in that Eric stand off, I mean the truth is Sookie IS having Eric dreams, and Eric was just there to rub it in, you know?

OK SO I HUNTED FOR A PREVIEW AND OMG INDEED WE ARE GETTING ERIC/QUEEN JESUS EEEEEE

Uh, bb. 1. mindreader, 2. WHO DOESN’T HAVE DREAMS ABOUT ERIC? SERIOUSLY? She could pose that question to everyone who's ever met him and have a 95% chance of a positive answer.

I laughed out loud.

On the pose--I'm fairly comfortable in that position, though admittedly I've never tried it in a suit. And god, I really wish someone would give Sookie better lines. Come on, in the books (and first season) one of the really appealing things about Sookie was her practicality and adaptability! She's actually regressing!

What with the line about orgies in her house being worse than attempted rape and laying down on the floor, I'm really kind of pissed with the writers. You don't just shake something like that off.

IDK when Sookie has ever been really adaptable or practical, she's always been very over the top 'combination between you at 14 and your grandmother at 75' kind of character to me. Which was handled very well as long as the show remmebered to kind of make fun of her a little while still showing her as the heroine. I think they've taken her a bit more seriously this season and that's what bugging me.

Although yeah the random rape wtf is super... WTF.

She never seemed comical to me, and the only reason I could possibly think to compare her with a seventy five year old is her old fashioned language, but I've heard people talk like that so maybe that's the problem. She's constantly thrust into new situations she has no experience in dealing with and severe physical danger and continually manages to keep her head fairly well and work with the situation, fighting back and making bargains. I think that qualifies as adaptation.

Hoyt: She's my momma Jessica! She's MEANT to be making my life miserable! I mean jesus where were you raised, like a functional family or something?!
OMG WHAT I THOUGHT EXACTLY.

Lafayette <3 <3 <3 <3

ASkars in drag <3 <3 <3

OK THAT POSITION COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE PHYSICALLY COMFORTABLE FOR ERIC. I'm just sayin. Either he was just doing it to be cool or his body works in some mysterious Vikings way unknown to us mortals.
He's trying to seduce Sam for some super hot supernatural slash Who cares about comfort? It's about looking goooooooood.

I LOVE SOPHIE ANN. SHE IS THE VOICE OF FANGIRLS EVERYWHERE.

Bill: OMG ERIC YOU TOTALLY ONLY WANNA SAVE THE TOWN SO YOU CAN LOOK LIKE A HERO TO SOOKIE!
Eric: …Bill, I will now pretend to comb my hair – messy from flying with the top down – and pretend I didn't hear you acting like an insecure 14 year old. Not because I think better of you but because my face doesn't look as good when I'm crying tears of shame on someone else's behalf.
Bill: it's so desperate of you, feeding Sookie your blood to get her attracted to you.
Eric: Bill in WHAT UNIVERSE does anyone need a special elixir to be attracted to me?
(dialogue has no Bill cap; dialogue needs no Bill cap)


LOL FOREVER.
YOU ARE HILARIOUS.
I think I'm going to miss these more than the actual show once the season is over XD


AWWW THANK YOU! I'm glad you liked these :D

they have truly murdered sookie's char for me all i can say right now. but im glad they do eric some justice; even though they try to make him into the bad guy and bill into the saint, hero, too pure to watch the queen and another woman lol. and the maryann story line, really..poorly played!

LOL I don't think they're really playing Bill as a saint and a hero, I think they're kind of poking fun at him while they show him as kind of prudish.

Hoyt: She's my momma Jessica! She's MEANT to be making my life miserable! I mean jesus where were you raised, like a functional family or something?!

*snort*

Jason: the time for thinking is over.
THIS NEEDS TO BE TATTOOED ON JASON'S FOREHEAD, Y/Y?


That would imply Jason has tried thinking in the past. lol

I think the truly worst moment this season for me, was the creeptastic characterization of Sookie as someone who, days after surviving an attempted rape, willingly, calmly laid down with a guy who is almost certain to rape her. REALLY, WRITER? REALLY?

Yup.

I expected better than this.

Why? I've been consistently disappointed with the writing this season. Well, the dialogue at least.

I can't say I've been dissapointed with the dialogue really, there have been less than stellar moments but overall I think they've been pretty good. But the pacing has been a little off, epsecially with Maryanne, imo. They just kind of counted on that storyline to sustain way more tension than it did.

Great recap and fun to read!

Eric: you know you feel with my blood inside you?
OH BB THERE IS A WORD IN THERE THAT NEEDS TO BE REPLACED BY ANOTHER WORD. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.


Damn, that made me swoon. *heeheehee*

Great job on this thanks for sharing.

Thank you, I'm glad you liked!

(Deleted comment)
lmao, love it!!
so true, the writers sucked. but AP was good or almost good in this episode.
Alex in a dress...no words..Alex´s hair after flying..no words lol
I didn´t like ERW either but her lines were so good. too bad she didn´t seem like believing in them. sighs.

Ugh I can't love Anna for some reason. There's a weird thing she does with her body where I feel like sometimes only her face is acting instead of the rest of her body. Like in the scene with Lafayette in the woods, her face has all these emotions but her hands are almost nervously picking at her dress. It's weird.

And yeah wow Evan overplayed that part by like a million degrees.

Love the picspam - but your comments really made my day!!!

LMAO!!!


Jason: Guys, I read a book about this, this is Armageddon. This is the oral history of the zombie war!
The most hilarious part about that line is that you KNOW the book he's talking about having read is some portion of the bible.


Actually, The oral history of the zombie war is a real book. It's full title is ?World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War" and it's by Max Brooks. Good book, you should read it.

I just about died when I heard Jason mention the book. I was like OMG HE READS? And not only that, he reads awesome zombie books? Whoddathunkit?

I have so much love for Jason this season.

(Deleted comment)
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